today is a day i will never, ever, ever forget. it marks the first day of my career. i have a career. can you believe that? and it’s one that i love so incredibly much. everything that has happened in the last ten hours reminded me why…
all of my classmates who have already taught their classes have done so on days we are scheduled to meet every week. but because there are more of us than there are class days left in our training, i volunteered to come to the studio on a day off and teach. which means they were in no way obligated to show up today. but all but two classmates who would have came had they not had two huge events going on at that time, were there, anyway. my #1 yoga partner and best friend in the world, one of my oldest friends, another wonderful friend i met through her, came through also. of course my teacher was there, but so was a second lovely teacher from the studio. and my mom, todd, lisa, and her friend, too. sitting down on the mat in front of that class, seeing all of these wiling participants looking back at me, ready to listen to everything i had to say, was so moving for the short ten seconds it was. the love i felt then was tremendous.
though nervous as hell, the next hour we all spent together felt so natural. everything i’ve been dreaming of for the past five years, and all of what has been thrown at me since my training began in january, all the endless hours studying at starbucks and staying up late, started to come together in those moments.
because these particular classes we teach are part of our training, we spend time afterwards discussing it. that day’s teacher shares how they feel, and the students share their feedback. how i said i felt was “okay.” being as nervous as i was made it hard to give the exact class i had hoped to. but i realized soon after leaving the studio that what i really felt underneath the remnants of my nerves was so new and so profound that it would have been impossible to feel all of that right away. with every piece of feedback i received, it became more and more clear. i was hearing that exactly what i hoped to project was exactly what was projected. i was told that my understanding for the true meaning of yoga was understood and shared. and finally, the [vegan] icing on the [vegan] cake and what nearly brought tears to my eyes was when my very own guru compared me to two hugely inspirational woman of yoga. one being the owner of the first studio i ever practiced at and have considered an inspiration ever since, and another being a teacher at one of the ashrams in manhattan. it made me feel like they all took exactly what i was trying to get at and just got it.
i walked outside of my house later that day, before going to treat myself to a congratulatory trip to whole foods, and noticed the sky. that’s not to be translated as “seeing” the sky. i just noticed it. i felt it there above my head, i felt the ground below my bare feet, i felt the june air around me as i walked through it, i felt what it was truly like to be grounded.
so if i were to go back in time to when i was asked how i felt after teaching my first class, i would wait a few seconds to let it sink in, then answer the question with, “alive.”