Three steps forward.
#my yoga journal
One. I saw my psychiatrist today. He fully supports my wanting to cut out all of my meds and make the switch to natural healing. A schedule was made that will have me weened off of everything within a month.
Two. The Ayurvedic practitioner just called me back. I have my first appointment with her in one week. I’m confident that she will make this transition as smooth as possible. (I’m so excited!!)
Three. I realize now that the promise I made to myself last month to stay single for a year is a very important one. Even if the pain doesn’t even come close to amounting to what I thought it would be, there is still a lot of healing that must be had. And that will never happen if I keep dancing around the fact. So I’m deleting my Plenty of Fish account and hoping I at least made some good friends from it to start off with when I get down to Florida.
"According to science, the atoms in our body once belonged to stars far away in time and space."
i’m having trouble finding them this week. they must be gone with wherever i once again misplaced every ounce of energy in my mind, body, and soul.
work, wake, work, wake, funeral, another phone call, work…
i watched one of my best friends bury his sister yesterday. in her mid-twenties, she was too young to die, but all the same, too exhausted to fight. she’s been sick with a rare and (so far) incurable disease for the entire ten years i’ve known the family. since then, i’ve never seen a day they weren’t right beside her. nor have i seen a day where kristin herself wasn’t hopeful about the future, or filled with love even while she watched everyone live the normal life she couldn’t. the strength my friend’s family showed these past few days within themselves, and for each other, has been just as inspiring as the battle kristin fought until it took her, in the peace of her sleep and the comfort of her own bed, the way it was meant to happen.
like clockwork, my boyfriend and i got home from the funeral, only to receive a phone call a few hours later about our friend’s dad. i have no doubt that her strength will inspire me even further in these upcoming days, months, and beyond. after sending her wishes of peace and love, i think that’s where i started to lose my words.
good thing i’ve already done this before…
tomorrow is never promised. i posted about this after two of my closest friends got into a car accident they should have died in two months ago. so this may come off as repetitive to some. but i will never turn down the opportunity to remind anyone who will listen to hold close the ones and the things that they love.
gotye- save me
and you gave me love
when i could not love myself
and you made me turn
from the way i saw myself
and you’re patient, love
and you help me help myself
and you save me
yeah, you save me.
if you asked me the last time i found myself thinking, “man, i needed that,” i would not be able to tell you. not even a guess.
i woke up to my first professional massage, today, courtesy of a gift card from the incredible boyfriend. needless to say, it was much needed. afterwards, to kill the few hours i had before my plans, i sat in an unfamiliar starbucks to sit by myself and read. i really needed those few moments of simple serenity, too. then said plans fell through. but we turned some lemons into lemonade, and instead, sat on the empty beach together for hours. joking, laughing, talking, running, relaxing, living. it’s kind of euphoric just to think of how badly i needed it all.
i’m under the covers now, reflecting on my perfect day, with the lights off and a cup of tea, and the birds chirping outside my window like a lullaby. hearing them sing so late into the night was annoying a few weeks ago. now, with the accompanying warm midnight breeze, it’s soothing. it tells me that a promising summer is on its way.
so i’ll fall asleep tonight, thinking of the people i’m lucky to call my friends and the island i’m lucky to call my home, and finally think to myself, “man, i needed that.”
".:It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose
it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been
missing until it arrives:."
#seize the day
it seems that lately, we can’t go a day without facing something that should remind us we’re not invincible. they should, yes. but even when we have its images branded into our minds, do we still wake up every morning, feeling just as inspired as the morning before? people will tell you time and time again to hold on to who you love, and do what you wish you would. but how much will it take before we actually listen? when i shut my eyes tonight, i will see the broken glass on the empty car seats where my friends once sat, not knowing where and how they were. i will remember the way it made my heart sink. but since we’ve been told they’re going to be okay, will the pictures start to fade until i forget to remember that it could happen to any of us, and that next time, we might not be as lucky? or maybe tomorrow some of us will start living as if we truly believed tomorrow isn’t even guaranteed.