Showing posts tagged journaling.
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ask.  

long island resident, yoga student & teacher,
live music devotee, plant eater, cat enthusiast
with a lot to get off of her chest, and a blog to prove it.

my face | my yoga journey | notes to self

here it goes.

the lack of contact and the distance between mitch and i officially starts today. as hard as it is for me, i’m really excited for him to find himself. he needs this, and i can’t be selfish. it’s nothing but hope and patience from here on out.

— 1 year ago with 12 notes
#journaling 
today

was a wonderful day.

it started with having to be at school well before the sun rose. but it was somehow still wonderful. i’m in the concerts club. we book, set up for, and take care of the bands that come and play for us. we’ve had new found glory, gym class heroes, circa survive, blah blah blah more solid bands. today, we had forever the sickest kids. they are not my favorite band by any means. but they put on a fun ass show and they are cool ass dudes.

anyway. i had to drive their publicist to the train station to get one of his other bands in the city. we were talking, and i asked him who else he worked for. two names he mentioned were justin bieber (oh my god someone who once breathed the some air as justin bieber sat in my car) and taking back sunday (just oh my god). i said i was super upset about taking back sunday’s next show on long island selling out before i could get tickets and he told me he would put me and my mom on the guest list for giving him a lift and OH MY GOD.

then the guitarist gave me this pillow-sized bag of chips because i don’t know.

— 1 year ago with 35 notes
#journaling 
on soka gakkai.

i did something bold and went to my first buddhism meeting today. the seven people i met there were all of different races and backgrounds and much older than myself. before i had even a second to feel misplaced, i was welcomed to chant in this stranger’s living room, with opened arm. as they went on with their discussions, they defined every foreign word to me with spirit. i was told about the meaning of this practice, the experiences and accomplishments it allowed them to have, and how we can spread peace within our environments.

it has been years since i’ve associated myself with any form of religion. this may not be true for all, but to me, religion is only a restriction of our beliefs and a manipulation in the way we see the world. they make us lose so many parts of who we are. but today, i found my answer with soka gakkai international, a branch of buddhism that refers to themselves as an organization and a practice, more than a religion.

it’s website says, “as ‘engaged buddhists,’ sgi members aim to create value in any circumstances and contribute to the well-being of others. their practice sparks a process of ongoing inner transformation and empowerment known as ‘human revolution.’”

so pretty much i think i’m religious or a buddhist now or something.

— 1 year ago with 24 notes
#sgi  #buddhism  #journaling 
i was taught a valuable lesson, once, about the meaning of love. it was discussed that the traditional definition uses words like “attachment” and “infatuation” and things that lead you to believe it’s all about losing yourself to somebody, while the buddhist definition claims that it is simply wanting another to be happy. it is courageous and unconditional.

i’ve said it a million times before, and i’ll say it again. this is my absolute best friend. and he’s going through a rough time right now. we are going to be apart for something around two months while he ventures out to get it all under control. not having him around is going to be hard. and as we’ve already discovered from my last internship, it’s not something that gets easier with each passing day. but none of that matters, because i know in my heart that he’s going to come back an even greater person than he already is.

until then, if i’ve ever needed well wishes and positive energies sent this way, it is now. i love him so ridiculously much, and there is nothing in this world i want more than to just see him happy.

i was taught a valuable lesson, once, about the meaning of love. it was discussed that the traditional definition uses words like “attachment” and “infatuation” and things that lead you to believe it’s all about losing yourself to somebody, while the buddhist definition claims that it is simply wanting another to be happy. it is courageous and unconditional.

i’ve said it a million times before, and i’ll say it again. this is my absolute best friend. and he’s going through a rough time right now. we are going to be apart for something around two months while he ventures out to get it all under control. not having him around is going to be hard. and as we’ve already discovered from my last internship, it’s not something that gets easier with each passing day. but none of that matters, because i know in my heart that he’s going to come back an even greater person than he already is.

until then, if i’ve ever needed well wishes and positive energies sent this way, it is now. i love him so ridiculously much, and there is nothing in this world i want more than to just see him happy.

— 1 year ago with 143 notes
#kingoftherain  #love  #journaling  #selfie 

i was thinking today, while making what felt like an endless amount of frappuchinos, that i am so much better than starbucks. while i’m grateful for everything this job has to offer, there is still that sense of not belonging. something greater is out there for me. it’s so close that i can only almost touch it. my time is not now. but it is soon.

— 1 year ago with 13 notes
#journaling 
a rant i’ll never have to rant again.

today was my last day with a job that is known to kill. it’s one of those that are too easy to get sucked into. you can essentially make your own schedule, calling in and leaving early as you please. you sit in an office waiting for something to happen, or maybe doing some arts and crafts or having a good time wasting time with your coworkers.

then remains the same bullshit policies you will find with any other deadly bullshit job- you get hired as a teenager, put up with everything you don’t deserve because it’s easy money and ridiculously flexible with your increasingly demanding schedule. but suddenly you are not a teenager anymore. you are an adult who once had all these hopes and dreams until they were surrendered to what was only suppose to be your backup plan. the next thing you know, you’re ready to retire from this god forsaken building, and will leave with nothing but a lesson learned and a resentment towards all young adults with their whole lives ahead of them.

as for me, i’ve met some great friends, i met my love, and learned some things about myself and my capabilities. i’m beyond thankful for the opportunities that have allowed me to escape before all those positives started to rot. and i’m even more proud of the confidence i’ve found that has brought me to those opportunities.

and let me tell you, i have never been more thrilled to rock a green apron full time more than i am now.

— 1 year ago with 13 notes
#journaling 
dreams.

just like anybody else, there have been ideas of the future and what i will become of it rattling around my head for as long as i’ve been able to. but never, not once, did i ever let those thoughts grow into something real. i begin training at the yoga studio on tuesday. i will not be getting paid, and my job description does not entail actually teaching or doing yoga. but still, it is the first step in the right direction. i don’t know how to describe the feeling, so i’ll just leave it at awesome.

— 1 year ago with 12 notes
#dreams  #journaling  #theyogalife 
words

i’m having trouble finding them this week. they must be gone with wherever i once again misplaced every ounce of energy in my mind, body, and soul.

work, wake, work, wake, funeral, another phone call, work…

i watched one of my best friends bury his sister yesterday. in her mid-twenties, she was too young to die, but all the same, too exhausted to fight. she’s been sick with a rare and (so far) incurable disease for the entire ten years i’ve known the family. since then, i’ve never seen a day they weren’t right beside her. nor have i seen a day where kristin herself wasn’t hopeful about the future, or filled with love even while she watched everyone live the normal life she couldn’t. the strength my friend’s family showed these past few days within themselves, and for each other, has been just as inspiring as the battle kristin fought until it took her, in the peace of her sleep and the comfort of her own bed, the way it was meant to happen.

like clockwork, my boyfriend and i got home from the funeral, only to receive a phone call a few hours later about our friend’s dad. i have no doubt that her strength will inspire me even further in these upcoming days, months, and beyond. after sending her wishes of peace and love, i think that’s where i started to lose my words.

good thing i’ve already done this before…

tomorrow is never promised. i posted about this after two of my closest friends got into a car accident they should have died in two months ago. so this may come off as repetitive to some. but i will never turn down the opportunity to remind anyone who will listen to hold close the ones and the things that they love.

— 2 years ago with 16 notes
#journaling  #hydrochephalus  #love  #life  #death 
yesterday

i started my rainy morning with a yoga class, where the instructor told us to dedicate our practice to something we felt was missing from our lives. some people sat at the top of their mat, eyes relaxed closed, thinking of who or what they missed most, i’m sure. but my brows were instantly furrowed, and my mind instantly rushed towards my severe lack of independence. it was no question. my dependence on the approval and comfort from others far overshadows any dependence i have on myself. it’s all following, and no leading. so i dedicated my practice to finding that sense of self there once was within me.

that night, i went with two seemingly excited friends to the dave matthews band show at the jones beach theater. we didn’t have tickets to go in, though. we sat on the patch of grass, next to the shore, directly behind the gate that separated us from the outdoor venue. because of the trees, we could only see the crowd, and the side of the stage. but we could hear everything perfectly. and the way the lights reflected from the stage, and through the fog before it hit the sky, looked like the northern lights. i was thoroughly satisfied with second best.

but my friends got bored, and cold, and distracted by conversations that were somehow more interesting than what was in front of our faces. “i don’t know these songs,” they said. but does that really mean you can’t appreciate it? i started to wish i was with people who knew how to shut up and enjoy a quality summer night when it was handed to them. “wrap your hoodie around you a little tighter, accept the fact that you will lose a few hours of sleep tonight, learn some new music, and realize that what we have is so much better than sitting at home wishing were here,” is what i wanted to say. or “seize the moment! or “enjoy the little things!” instead, they asked twelve times if i was sure i would be okay on my own if they got a ride home early. twelve times, i assured them i would.

for over an hour, i sat alone, on the disposable table cloth these two woman gave me, doing my own thing. the show ended, and i found my boyfriend and some friends who had just came out from inside. and it was a beautiful night that i spent on my own, doing what i wanted, and leading my own way.

in a strange way, to me, this was a small step forward.

— 2 years ago with 13 notes
#journaling  #carpe diem