| Les Miserables: | Ex-criminal can't catch a fucking break. Crazy cop can't handle multi-dimensional personalities. Boring love interest remains everyone's least favorite character. Everyone you love dies.
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| The Phantom of the Opera: | Overly dramatic opera singer is caught between a dick boyfriend and a serious case of Stockholm syndrome.
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| Wicked: | Misunderstood loner chick tries to help people and everyone fucks her over anyway.
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| West Side Story: | Romeo and Juliet with really tame gangs and sassy Puerto Ricans.
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| Grease: | If your asshole love interest doesn't like your personality, change everything about yourself.
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| Rent: | AIDS sucks.
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| Cats: | Freaky looking cats. That's it. There's literally no plot.
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| Spring Awakening: | Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die. |